How much shit can I do in 48 hours? #Parenthood

TGIF!
I guess. Since I don't have an ordinary job (I coach for a living), and I have 2 kids under 4 year olds, our family tends to live day by day, minute by minute, and our regularly scheduled life-plans typically go, NOT as planned.  Just for fun, I decided to document my weekend in form of "minutes."

Ya know, the kind of minutes you keep up with during a board meeting, only I didn't have time to hit the record button on my phone for the audible part-that, good thing. That could potentially lead to a DFCS call.

Friday PM: 
8:30pm: Dinner, Taco Bell (yep, you read that right.) Composting, go-green, hippie girl ate Taco Bell, read it and weep. Processed meat on a tortilla, with some lettuce...see? There are some greens.

8:45p: Proceed to eat taco while small feral boy-child gropes at my breasts..

9:00p: Throw tons of laundry into washer because I am currently wearing the same LIME green shirt that I ask our staff to wear to the event that starts in approximately, 10 hours.

9:30p: Meditate and pretend it's a REAL Friday. Contemplate if I should have an adult beverage, immediately decide it's not worth it.

9:45p: Throw the kids into the tub, summon my husband to get out of "Friday Night Mode" because I don't get to partake in the same positive vibes.

9:45-11p: Convince small humans to go the FUCK to sleep. (I mean that with all the love in my heart)

11-11:30p: Take a shower, brush my teeth....get into the bed. Wait, nevermind...LAUNDRY, lime green shirt!

11:30-12:30a: Lay completely wide awake as my body processes silence and the awkward feeling of having nothing to do for anyone.

Saturday:
12:30a: Silence broken by feral boy child.

2:30a: Boy child awakes, again...

5:00a: ...and again.....

6:00a: My alarm goes off. (I have never actually calculated my sleep pattern, but I'm pretty sure if I did the non existent Fitbit I own would say I was going to die soon.)

6-7:00a: Convince a 3 year old to put on a spandex before 7am.

7-7:30a: Leave for work with exhausted toddler on board.

7:30a-2:30p Work my ass off. Practice listening skills and convince kids they can conquer the world if they will just pull their head out of their ass. Deal with parents who think they can do my job. Deal with the un talented kid's parent. Deal with the lazy kid's parent. Deal with the kid whose parents suck at parenting. My job is hard.... I don't give a fuck if you're brain surgeon, my job is still harder. When you operate on a person's body, they can't speak, and when that shit is done, it's too late to argue. Case closed, my job is harder.

2:30--3:05p Start planning my daughter's 4th birthday while driving home.

3:05-3:15p Pick up a gift for my BFF's daughter's birthday party that starts in less than 45 minutes.

3:15p-3:45p Eat a half-ass grilled cheese and a couple leftover pretzels from my child's lunch while small humans climb all over my body.

3:45-4:00p Wipe someone's butt. (literally, not theoretically)

4-4:15p Shower and try to look presentable. No, these 15 minutes do not include make up.

4:15-4:45p Go to Walmart with the family and shop for my daughter's birthday party that is happening on Sunday...less than 24 hours away. Try to not cry while standing in the checkout.

4:45-5p Arrive at the 1 year old birthday party.

5-7:00p Celebrate the kid, drink a BEER, realize my husband has already had 3, stop drinking.

7:30pm Arrive home, clearn up the living room by bending over 24 times and putting away 1,234, 567 toy accessories, pile them into a huge wooden box with other plastic toy-shit. BTW, How the fuck did an apple peeler end up here?

Sunday
Does it really matter? I hosted a 4 year old's birthday party. We spent our time cleaning, prepping and find room for more plastic shit! Happy Birthday. The last guest left at 8:30p and not once, did I catch a buzz despite many failed attempts.  Happy Monday!

I like to WIN, a coach's enlightenment.

If you know me, you know I am extremely competitive, I LOVE to win...but most importantly, I LOVE to watch kids win, win at whatever battle they are trying to overcome; whatever goal they are trying to reach; whether it is a skill or a personal struggle, that they are coming to terms with.

As I think of the young girls I coach, I  imagine each of their thoughts:

"Am I strong enough?" 

"Can I overcome?" 

"Should I give up or should I press on?" 

"Am I worthy?"

"I'm not good enough."

"I will always struggle."

"What will my friends think?"

"I want to make my parents happy..."

I believe every kid faces different struggles, anxieties & challenges they must face; whether they overcome their obstacle, or are faced with defeat and must uncover the special path meant for them; for each of these journeys, a kid has an opportunity to learn a valuable lesson, or even be lucky enough to experience self-actualization! No matter what the circumstance, there comes a time when a kid will ask themselves, "Am I good enough?"

How do we help that kid win? ...and when I say, "win" I mean, how to we make a kid believe in him/herself?...I'm not talkin' trophies. 

I honestly don't think it's that big of a secret how to motivate a kid. Sure, I say this after I sat my 2 year old in "time out" 3 times in less than 20 minutes, for throwing peas in the floor and whacking me in the head, but after 17 years of coaching...my theory stands true: A kid merely needs confidence to move forward. I think there is no better way of doing this than using plain 'ol English! Just simply tell a kid how incredibly amazing they really are! It's that easy folks, just say it! Forget about the little stuff and remember the BIG picture... it's about encouraging a kid, period.

There are no secrets to encouragement. Just truth....and the truth will set you free, or it will totally rat you out. Kids are way more keen than adults because they can sense if someone is genuine right from the get-go. Kids aren't afraid to call it how they see it. As you see, this blog does not have a special "theory" for adults because in my opinion, you're pretty much baked once you're an adult. The cake is finished cooking, you're either really deliciously amazing or you taste like poop, not special cream cheese icing can fix poop. I can speculate that the end result all depends on how many people told you how incredibly awesome you were as a child.

Although my childhood wasn't picture-perfect, my parents did their best to let me know I was a pretty cool kid. I was also lucky enough to have some pretty amazing coaches, siblings, friends & mentors. I am lucky enough, that some of these folks still pick up the phone, listen to me talk, interrupt them, and repeat ;). (You know who you are) I am blessed to have these amazing souls to thank for being apart of my journey; for where I am today, and where I may be tomorrow.  

So, basically...this is why I love kids....why I love working with kids, and why I am grateful I get the opportunity to have a place in each kid's journey I have the pleasure of coaching. After all of my years in the gym, the one theory of mine that still holds steadfast & I lie by is: when you tell a kid they are awesome, they will always win, you as a mentor will win, and if you're lucky, it may lead to a first place medal, and possibly a career....but only if you're lucky. :)

A day in a life of a 30 year old mommy...

First, let's stop. 30 years old. When did this happen?! To be frank, I don't feel thirty. Well; okay, I feel 30, the 43 grey hairs I found on my head as well as my post postpartum breasts are definitely 30...but 30 is not really old, is it?

I mean, I just got out of my twenties, I can still hang with the young people. The maturity level that appears to partner with the number 30? I don't feel that...it's just an act I have put on, to ya know, pay bills and keep a job. At the age of 30, I am married. My husband and I also have a baby girl, Maelyn. She is 19 months old and motherhood is absolutely insane. Each day goes by faster than the last, and through it all I seem to lose track of where I am on this timeline of life.

I am zapped back to reality on special days like today, when I actually had the chance to venture out alone, beyond the grocery store.Today's task was to get an "engineered" print. I read on Pinterest this was the extra savvy & cheap strategy to produce large prints. I was totally stoked about actually following through with a Pinterest-craft I pinned, like 11 months ago. I even pulled up the actual pin to double check the instructions I found on a crafty mom's (whose husband is probably a brain surgeon) blog page.  I was praising myself as I stepped out of the car. 

On my way to Staples, a store called Rue 21 (whatever that means) grabbed my attention with their buy 1, get 1 50% off sale. I thought to myself, "Why not? I never have the opportunity to shop alone anymore," and I walked in without hesitation. 

Immediately, blaring music that reminded of Spring Break 2001 filled my shopping space and before I could get my grounding, a young hip-looking store clerk hit me up for some cheap perfume,

"Have you ever tried our fragrances?" he asked. Only waiting long enough for me to return with the most obvious response, "no." I thought to myself, "How dare he interrupt my shopping experience, do these kids work on commission?!" I started to feel weird... had this 18 year old hit on me ? Than I realized, no that wasn't weird...I'm just in a public place besides the dairy isle. He finished is sales pitch by responding, 

"It's called, Mystic Rain,"

"Thanks." I said...in the most believable tone possible. In order to really sale myself, I took a whif of the paper stick as I walked away, to ensure him I was totally impressed, gag.

I quickly prayed the store clerk had no idea I was married and had a kid. My, God! What would he think of me if he knew I was 30 years old and shopping in this place?! What the hell am I DOING here? I should be at a boutique somewhere so I can have a dressing room with ruffled curtains and complimentary espresso... Who cares, I am wearing skinny jeans, I can pass for 22.....I can get away with purchasing a $2 tank top, right? 

I quickly spotted a pile of tank tops that were buy 1, get 1 50% off. I grabbed a couple that seemed pleasant and made my way to the checkout feeling better about torturing myself through the terrible music, prepubescent-inspired cologne, and the neon graffiti that was piercing my eyes. I was getting 2 shirts for $3, that's a deal! As I neared the checkout, I started to have mixed feelings about the rap song playing over head that encouraged the "ladies to raise their hands if they were going to spend the night," but I stayed focus on the goal, get to the checkout counter before anyone finds you here. A tall lanky white kid with nerdy glasses (which are apparently in these days) checked me out. The total came to $10.59. I was devastated. What the hell?! I responded like most adults and asked,

"Is that the right price? I thought they were $2 each? Buy 1, get 1 50% off?" He looked at me like I was 30 years old and said, 

"Actually, they are buy 1, get 1 for $2.00...it's like... $5/shirt, that's still a great deal." 

The secret was out...all of the sales associates knew I did not belong. 'Who is this cheap old lady?" They were all asking themselves. "How did I just get ripped off by this hipster kid?" I was asking myself.

I quickly agreed with his nonsense, swiped my card and walked out with my bright pink chevron & striped tank @ $5/each, what a rip off.

What the sales associates did not understand was that each of these shirts would have smashed peas on them by the end of the week, and the price of these 2 tank tops were not worth the 10 minutes of sound pollution I incurred by listening to lyrics of a song about a girl who hasn't received a text from her ex-boyfriend in response to her text she sent him informing  him she was in-love with her new boyfriend. 

Holy hell, what a dilemma. 

I finally made it to Staples, the desired location. A costumer with grey hair & a suite stood next to me in line and the female sales associate that greeted me had no make up, a mustache, and side burns that she could comb. Ahhh, my kind of place, I could finally breathe.

I proudly announced to her that I would like an engineered print, she got to work on my request and within 2 minutes I was presented with my pictures. A plain, 8 X 11 piece of white paper, copied with the picture I had provided her.  I looked over the pictures and thought to myself, "What kind of engineered copy is this?"

As Ire-established the definiation of an "engineered" prints I realized why the blog suggested this grand idea for enormous pictures....not an 8 X 10. Hell, I could have printed this shit at home in my yoga pants.

My total came to a bank-breaking $0.21 cents and I left feeling defeated, the entire trip was a waste. 

I have always been so sure of myself, my age, and my role at different points in my life. I usually feel cool, I am still cool, right? These 35 minutes left me feeling conquered by hipsters & underlying information that I missed due to my discord with the now-a-day generation.  Motherhood & this new sense of maturity I had never really felt had left me feeling alienated from this outside world I once knew...what had happened to up-to-the-minute Ali?

I came home and started mapping things out, I needed a proposed plan of action. Next time, when life allows for a retreat, I will stay in my yoga pants, shop online, and pour myself a pint of good beer...

About 10 minutes into this proposed solitary brainstorming, the sound of Maelyn waking up interrupts any agenda I had planned, all my tasks come to a halt as I meet her sweet, squishy face. As I kiss her pillow lips, hold her warm little body with my face buried in her neck, my mind wanders and I forget everything on my devised, "become hip again" program. It all begins to dissipate, like it was never there, and time is suspended. Nothing goes as planned, ever, for the rest of the day....and as each day passes, I realize this is the rest of my life. A metamorphosis had occurred within me.

Each day that passes, my brain becomes a little more stretched and I become a little dorkier, slowly giving up on the expectations that I once had. I start realizing what age I think I am, the age I really am, and who I am doesn't really matter, all that matters is this very moment.

I click on the shopping cart icon and proceed to check-out, I just bought my first tankini while sitting in my PJs at 2:30pm. I'm going to wear it when the 3 of us go to the beach; alone with just our little family, a pair of squishy baby cheeks, my good-looking 36 year-old husband, and my new-found outtie belly button.

Who knew the first chevron-pattern item of clothing I have EVER purchased would have brought this to light? As long as we can keep the rap music down a notch, I can still be cool.

Ali-1, Scoliosis-0

"Don't believe everything you hear." Have you ever heard this phrase? I have; although at times I take it to the extreme. I have a bad habit. I do no listen well, AT-ALL. I am the Devil's advocate most of the time and  can easily take over a conversation. I also have a talent of some how relating the topic of conversation back to some hilarious personal encounter of my own that is totally unrelated. So although I interrupt you, I can still make you laugh.

Okay, so I am working on this aspect of myself. Genuinely, I love learning new things, going new places & meeting new people, I just lack the listening part of learning. I am working on listening skills; however, when scoliosis was introduced to my life, this strong-willed, question every-thing aspect of my personality came in handy. I am not sure why I decided the Doctors orders were not the orders I wanted, or if I just got lucky and God decided to have mercy on my soul (or spine). Either way, when I was diagnosed with scoliosis I declared war (see below) on the Doctor's opinion. Was surgery really my only option for a healthy spine?

During regular health check-ups throughout college and in my mid-20's I would be asked, "What plans do you have for your back?" I would fill the doctor  in about the information I had found online and what I had discovered through my research on non-surgical methods of treatment. In response I would always receive the same puzzled look...you know, that look you get in the South that says, "Bless her heart."

Bless her heart is right! God was listening because he hooked me up Dr. Deutchman who decided to bring the Schroth Method to the United States, who in returned is helping me get straight! 

 Peter & I went to my 3-month appointment on Monday to get an X-ray and make sure my Schroth therapy is on the right track.
Here are the results!!! Drum roll please....



July 2011-71 degrees                                          October 3, 2011-60 degrees!!!

In conclusion, I had an 11 degree improvement in 3 months!!! These are not my actual X-rays; however, both of these curves are the same measurement as my curve and look very similar to my own.  

In a weird way, I feel blessed to have been given the opportunity to experience something like this...I find it amazing how much control we can have over our own bodies and it has given me a new sense of empowerment.

I find it unfortunate this treatment option has just recently been encouraged in United States. By the 1960s, the Schroth Method had become the standard non-surgical treatment for scoliosis in Germany. Schroth treatment is currently supported in Germany by the federal health insurance system, and German orthopedic surgeons routinely refer patients for Schroth scoliosis exercise therapy(http://www.schrothmethod.com/). The Schroth Method is also incredibly more inexpensive than spinal fusion. (The only option offered in the US until recently.) I spoke with a young lady that received scoliosis surgery 5 years ago, her parents are still paying on the medical bill. Why was I only given one option...? Why has the US not been doing this stuff all along? I don't understand.

Granted, this is only the beginning for me. I can only hope for further progression & expect to possibly have let-downs. For now, I am still learning about my own body and what I have to do in order to reverse & control my abnormal posture so that my improved posture becomes a habit. Until next time...here is a cool picture of some amazing results thanks to the Schroth Method:

 

5-year-old boy, scoliosis resulting from polio (left).
After 3 weeks of intensive Schroth treatment (center).
After 8 weeks of Schroth scoliosis exercise therapy (right).

Life with a Swirly Spine....

So, life has started to take a toll on my exercise-discipline. August & September have been crazy months. A 4-day bachelorette party at the BEACH! How the heck does someone find time for a body-brace with four Velcro-straps when bikinis, dresses & heels are in play? C'mon people, I'm a lady...and I had to represent.

Luckily, the stars were partially in my favor for this particular trip. Tropical Storm Lee took place of my worrying about how to keep a full body-brace concealed under a bikini & the occasional Bloody Mary assisted in maintaining comfort while trying to "vacation" with a brace 24/7. (To the left you will see a photo of us shortly after being pelted by side-ways rain.) So what does a girl with an unconventional scoliosis treatment do on a trip like this? Well, duh...pack her special bracing pillow & inform everyone if they hear weird hissing noises in the condo, it is not a fellow lady-friend that has drank too many party favors, it's just me...exercising away, while propping myself up in various positions on the brightly-colored bunk beds and using a weird fish pillow as a temporary away-from-home prop to aid myself in breathing my curve away. Ya know, my regular routine, just edited a bit for the beach-theme. I kind of enjoyed the change of atmosphere...staring at a wall with a framed sailboat picture, while breathing deeply.

As you can imagine, my plan did not go over to well. Personally, I would rather poke myself in the eye with a sharp stick than perform these exercises in public, much less while I'm on vacation. I mean really... who really exercises while on vacation? (Including the people who wake up early to run on the beach does not count.) We all know this type of exercise is make-believe and these people must definitely be locals, surely not vacationers. Right?! Like any human would do on a vacation, I released and fell out of my daily routine, made excuses & did not get much accomplished on this trip; preforming only a few repetitions a day. In response, my body repaid me by causing a massive headache & ridiculous neck pain while trying to enjoy the best crab cakes the Gulf Coast had to offer, dang swirly-back! However, thanks to vacation, "Mary" was available to helped me out in my time of need at this particular moment as well. :)

Since the party, It has been 2 weeks and I am finally back on routine. This trip is just one of the many times I have fell astray, some strategies I have used to stay motivated are:

• Perform my exercises in different orders
• Cook while exercising
• Use different props..pillows/exercise balls/stick, etc.
• Perform half the reps in the morning & half at night
• Watch multiple episodes of "Weeds" on my laptop while exercising
• Do as many sets in a row that I can handle
• Change locations in my house (Bedroom/Living room/Sun room)
• Watch random YouTube clips of other people doing them (this pumps me up)
• Read about scoliosis surgery and gag

Currently, my routine consist of brewing a pot of coffee and watching CNN while I scoliosize. This by far, has been my best routine...or it is until I get bored. My commitment now feels more real than ever...it is easy for me to skip a few reps...and sometimes I do! (I am human) But I all I can do is keep pressing on, or have my spine screwed together and braced with stainless steel rods which sounds terrible. 

Anyhow, here are some pictures! Feel free to circle what you see different & let me know, ha. Kidding. I have an X-ray coming up in October cross your fingers and say a prayer, because I may rip all my hair out one by one if there is not some progression. AH! 

         

              7.18.11                                                                      8.23.11

9.19.11





Curvature Update!

Okay, not much to discuss here. I had my 1-mth appointment, Dr. Deutchman tightened my brace in some areas & critiqued my exercises.

It seems my exercises are taking on a new meaning. I am correcting some areas of my technique that basically make the breathing techniques a bit more difficult & take more time. I have to be aware of the lateral curvature of my spine & the sagittal curvature. Have you ever twisted a wet towel? This is the sagittal curve. My scoliosis is an "S" with a right twist, which means as I breath I have to concentrate on de-rotating or un-twisting my spine as well as positioning my back to the left, since my curve is right. I have to turn my "S" into a straight line & un-twist the towel...all while breathing into the flat side of my back...sounds fun, right?

Anyhow, Peter and I took a picture of my back on July 18th, my first day of exercises, and tonight, August 23rd. I am not really expecting to see a difference this early in the therapy, but I figured it would be fun to watch the progressions & be hopeful. I am not sure I see a difference yet ...but I figured I would leave the judgement up to you guys. I have a 3 month appointment October 3. I will be x-rayed...to see if there is any improvement in my curve. In the meantime, I will be improving my Schroth technique & hanging on the bars at work to stretch my back, enjoy the gross pictures!

Holy Atlas, Batman!

It has almost been a month since my first appointment. I have officially adapted to the Georgia heat wearing a pair of super tight Velcro biker-pants & a tank top wrapped with 4 different straps under my regular daily attire. I have not slept on the right side of my body in almost a month (I was advised to sleep on my left due to the angle of my curve), I have figured out how to breathe into my "concavities" while driving down the road, and I have re-learned how to spot gymnastics, with my left arm...it's all about balance, folks & re-learning to spot a child's body with your non-dominate arm is like re-learning to write with your non-dominate hand, not easy. Here is a video of me spotting with my dominate arm, before my life changed, now I can do spot on either side! Boo-yah!

During my first consultation a therapy plan was created for me & my spine. Bracing, Schroth exercises & a specific chiropractic therapy called, Atlas Orthogonal Chiropractic. Basically, I have my Schroth-Doctor, Dr. Deutchman who I visit once a month, & my Atlas Orthogonist, Dr. Roy Sweat who houses Dr. Deutchman when he comes to town. Dr. Roy Sweat is 84 years old and is the founder of this specific adjustment of the Atlas. http://www.sweatinstitute.com/pdfs/roycv.pdf

An Atlas Orthogonist is a Doctor in the field of Chiropractic, with training in the structure, function and bio-mechanics of the upper cervical spine. This chiropractic method specifically adjust my Atlas. When the Atlas is restored to normal, the body can assume its natural posture, and the distortions along with the various symptoms, may be eliminated. This is the normal "Orthogonal" alignment of the head, neck, & spine.  

The Atlas is the very first Cervical Vertebra, this is one of  the vertebrae that is out of align in my spine. (Clearly there are others; however, the Atlas/C1 plays the most important role, it's like Batman and the rest of your spine represents Robin.) If you look at the picture, you will notice where the nerve endings have been highlighted. The nerve endings play a major role in diagnosing a subluxated (out-of-whack) Atlas. If your Atlas is out of line these nerve endings are very sensitive, not to mention when an Atlas is out of place, your head is misaligned which makes you a walking bobble-head doll, nice. Here is the actual X-ray of my bobble-head. Due to my bobble head the vertebrae are forced to one side causing structural misalignment.

A scanning palpation (below) is performed to confirm abnormal conditions & severity of pain. Wouldn't ya know.. the right side of my neck was in pain as he preformed the scanning palpation. I always thought this pain was just sore muscles due to my S-shaped spine.

After the consultation, I received 4 different X-rays to find the specific location of my Atlas. The last step (or adjustment) involved what I like to call, The Laser Beam Tool. Dr. Sweat invented this tool, himself! (See the (link above.

Okay, I know it looks totally intimidating, but it was not at all. He pointed it to my Atlas, & pushed a button  which created a poke & vibration..... & and Voila! My legs are currently even, my posture was immediately corrected and my nerve pain completely dissipated within seconds. I have before & after pictures to prove it. He laser beamed my neck, palpated for correction, laser beam a second time & the adjustment was complete.

No. My back did not straighten, my deformities did not start meta-morphisizing before my eyes; however, it is a baby step. It was also an unbelievable experience and I figured I would share! I meet with Dr. Deutchman on the 22nd. I will be sure to update you on my curve...maybe I have grown new muscles ....or gotten taller from scoliosizing?! Until then ....for your viewing pleasure..... Scoliosizing & Floyd.