My mid-20's Crisis...

I named this blog Mid-Twenties Crisis only to realize that I will be 30 years old in less than 3 years. I am not only panicking about the topic I was planning to write on, I am also realizing 30 is coming sooner than I originally planned in my mind. Simultaneously, I am also encouraging  myself, (or my consciousness is reminding my ego..or whatever Eckhart Tolle* was trying to teach us all about), that I should not look at the glass half-empty every second of the day.

When presented with this equation, I am pretty consistent with my answer, "the glass is half empty." When my husband, Peter was 27 years old, in heated discussions, I would begin with, "You are 30 years old...nag, nag, nag." The poor guy didn't really get to enjoy being 27, 28, or 29 years old, he was always 30..especially when the topics included money or anything that could possibly effect our great-great grand children one day. Yes, I like to be prepared...for anything. I often catch myself getting so wrapped up on the "next" part of life,  I miss out on the "now." I am a recovering proactivaholic. I already admitted the fact I have a problem, now I just have to send a letter into A&E and have them create a show of my life. According to the 12 steps of recovery;

• admitting that one cannot control one's addiction or compulsion;
• recognizing a higher power that can give strength;
• examining past errors with the help of a sponsor (experienced member or mellow husband);
• making amends for these errors;
• learning to live a new life with a new code of behavior;
• helping others who suffer from the same addictions or compulsions

it seems I am on number 4. I am making "amends." Which basically means, I am apologizing to others for how my addiction has affected their lives. Here's the twist, being proactive isn't really a terrible attribute. Our bills are caught up, I have a job, my house is clean, I don't have any cavities, both of our vehicles are up to date on their oil change, and I am doing a great job eating the correct amount of fruits and vegetables a day! I also exercise at least 3 days a week. Just call me, "Structured Sally" loads of fun, right?

I started working on my obsessive behavior a few years ago, when I realized life is boring if it's structured all the time, and sometimes it's better to jump off onto the rope-swing than spend your day worrying about the crocodile that might live in the lake, and that might chew off an appendage, that could possibly lead to a one-footed future. How could I coach gymnastics with one foot?! This is coming from the same girl who would not ride a roller coaster until she was 14. (Thank you Laurie Kaye for making me do it, I didn't barf after all.)

Granted, society demands practicality...but here is where my crisis comes into play. I graduate in May of 2010 and I have yet to find a teaching position. In my past (take note above; step two states: examine past errors) when things are not going my way, I freak out and start planning, preparing, and reminding Peter how close to 30 (or now almost, 35!) he is and how our great-great grandchildren will not have any money for college. God, bless him.

Some of the thoughts that constantly circle in my brain are: should I continue to coach? I could look for a job in recreation, that way I can coach and receive a decent paycheck! I should apply for a special education job ANYWHERE...commute or not. I could create a special needs program at the recreation department I currently work for, and create a position for myself. Maybe I should keep collecting a measly paycheck as a teacher's assistant and wait for a PE job to open (keep in mind the verb, waiting is not in my vocabulary).

Then, I take a breath and remind myself not to revert to old habits, patience and goal setting is the key. So for now, I have decided to give myself a time limit. I will patiently wait for the most picture-perfect teaching position and if it does not make itself available to me by the next school year, I will revert and rebel against the 12 steps.

I will take on my assertive, proactive, anticipatory, up-beat, preemptive ways, and I will be totally content with waking up everyday coaching. I could possibly help run a program somewhere doing what I love to do! I will blame my non-sense addictive behavior on the economy for not throwing me a job soon enough... and then this "crisis" will be over. Although, if you know me well enough, coaching is my heart and soul...and for some reason I am starting to think this "crisis" may have been created by me, running from the voice in my head this entire time.







*Author of the book, The Power of Now.